Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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