Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
