she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
