I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
