i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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