we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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