I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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