No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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