i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
