sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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