Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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