I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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