I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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