I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
