Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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