She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
