i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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