Duck Duck Cougar?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
