u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
