It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
