You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
