Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize