I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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