He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
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As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
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I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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