So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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