Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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