I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You took a bar mat shot.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
