no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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