I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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