you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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