I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
