jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
