you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
