This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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