OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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