Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
