So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
