I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
