My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
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But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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