why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
