have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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