if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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