I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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