Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
