Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
