It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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