end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
