Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
