Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
