I got chris browned last night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize