She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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