I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
