I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
