you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
