i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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