I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
