peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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