I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
