You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
there is glitter all over my balls
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
