Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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