If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
