well I can't set my house on fire every night
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
