Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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