What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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